it's time not to hold so tight, my kite will break one day...

I've been struggling...

It seems like a major decision to decide yet i cant really come up with one.

i thought i was cool with decisions, i thought my mind was clear. now i know i aint. cause i'm struggling. struggling to make the 'right' choice.

now i can only wait for 1sec, 1 min, 1hr, 1 day, 1 wk, 1 mth to pass... and to see how things go...

this isnt what i want us to turn out to be...

i'm trying...

tmr's the 25th. this whole month wasnt a nice one... how i wish i can erase all these off with a slp... but i cant. it has been edged into my heart, the scar is there...

Time will wash away the pain...
I really hope all these will fade away as time passes...

all i want is to be with you. as long as i still have the chance, as long as i'm still in your heart... i'll change for the better... i believe we will only get better, our love will be stronger...

all i wanted is for you to be there for me...


even if we fails... at least we tried....

I dont know if we're gonna last, but at least for now, we have each other...
We will try our best to keep this going... cause the love between us is still there...

you need some personal space... i'll give you...
you need more freedom... i'll give you...
you needs me to give in... i'll give...

as long as you're still here, there is still hope...

not giving up yet... which i nearly did...

I am still holding... onto you, our love...

I don't know what I'm feeling... Totally lost and confused...
Seems like I'm breaking down... Totally breaking down...
It has never been so bad before... When I close my eyes, I've got the feeling there he won't b there for me anymore... I am tired but I can't slp... You deeper you fell in love, the hurt is much more... I really cannot imagine life without him...

Actually I have no idea wad I'm talking abt... Just feeling so lost...

Time will heal everything... I hope time will amend all the mistakes I've made... Time will wash away the pain... Time will bring us further...

This is when I know, love hurts...

It's like millions of needles pricking my heart... Imagination running wild...

Is this just a dream??

i always like looking back...
then i'll realize how much the changes has been... and how much we've grown up to be...

blink blink... 1 yr pass like this...
he enlisted 1 yr ago... i still remembered it was my holiday during poly.
i feel excited going to Tekong but not when everything is ending and we've got to leave... i cant bear to go... he's all alone there with no one he knows. an unfamiliar environment... first few days was quite hard for me... but luckily i've got doris with me... it wasnt easy... but soon enough, i learnt to accept it & live my life as it is... it became much easier for me...

from then on, every weekend was precious to me... cause it means i can see him and i can feel him... while weekdays i can only hear him...

it wasnt that bad afterall...
BMT seems fun for him... sometimes weekends when he book in, i'll travel all the way to pasir ris to send him to the bus terminal. thinking back... it's quite stupid... yet i did it. =/ to him mayb it's just pure troublesome but to me, i just wish to spend a lil more time with him... and sometimes, i'll wait at pasir ris for him to book out... at the bus stop i'll sit there waiting... it's just so relieve and glad when i get to see him come down from the bus... him telling me what he did in tekong and all... i dont find it sian... rather quite interesting for me...

then came his POP at Tekong... this time rd, i'm so happy that 3 months have passed...but during this 3 mths, he made a major decision, he signed on. not that bad... i encouraged him to do it too. he was given block leave and we went on a holiday to Genting with eunice & shiwei... nice holiday... have some fun & relax over there...

then he got into OCS. first 3 weeks confinement... but the 3 weeks pass quite fast... i got used the his army life... 2nd week was OCS visiting day... so glad to see my precious in no.4, so smart! soon after, a few months in OCS, then he went to AFTC at paya lebar... remembering my daddy will drive him in during most of his book ins... then we will have dinner together... counting down the weeks in AFTC... then come his pre summex & summex... eventually he got through all...

Grad ceremony was held at air force museum and that is where he got his sword... now back in OCS and guess what? 5 more days to his comms parade...

this is really really fast...

and i am so glad he still loves me as ever and we're still going strong... i promise i'll be here for him... thru his darkest period, and i hope i did...

recently i feel that he isnt that happy...
and i tght it got something to do with me... i dont know?

Soon it'll be a new stage of life for us.
Him getting used to his work life, stress and all.
As for me, new challenges awaits. It's not as easy as i thought it would be. More for me to learn, much more.

Contradicting.

Looks forward yet other part of me feels like going back to the past when we're still schooling.

Still, we have to always move on... different environment, different stages of life. all have to change as we grow older. Even our r/s, we've got to maintain it and tackle it differently as the situation changes everytime. cause sometimes, the same old trick just wont work out anymore.

I wish me, you & us goodluck for the future (: